Ouiam El Hassani urges mothers to tend to their own needs.
The art of giving is engraved with the identity that we all embrace once we become mothers. We take pleasure in eliminating our needs and wants, in canceling our pre-babies’ identities, and immersing ourselves in this role of THE CAREGIVER! This tiny human being – totally helpless, and absolutely gorgeous, is now completely dependent on you, each and every minute of the day, leaving you no choice but to press the pause button when it comes to your own life.
We are the ones who carry the load, sacrifice and power through. We are the ones who cancel appointments when the husband has extra work. We are the ones eating cold food and drinking cold coffee. We are the ones who are always giving – putting everyone’s needs above ours… all the time. We do it all gladly and lovingly, however, it has a huge impact!
Despite doing it all our pre-babies’ era, now we somehow are incapable of ‘taking’. Somehow, we have completely forgotten how to put ourselves first. As mothers we find it difficult to take, especially in the time of a pandemic. That’s exactly why lots of women are currently going through burnouts, because of the incredible mental load we each carry willingly. The pandemic didn’t create this problem, but it definitely put an emphasis on it. Once you are a mother, you focus on giving and lose the ability to take. More women are currently silently grieving a loss of a self that they bled and fought to earn, years before they started a family, an identity that seemingly disappeared overnight thanks to COVID-19, especially for working moms, who are now juggling work and family at home. More women are grieving the absence of any form of alone time because they are now suddenly expected to be chefs, teachers, nannies, employees, and much more, while their own needs are lost somewhere amidst the chaos.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but mothers can’t continue to be the ones trying to juggle everything. Especially when COVID-19 burdened everyone in one way or another. Mothers haven’t seen family members in months, they haven’t seen a friend in a while, their mental health is already at risk – that is a fact!
Partners can sometimes miss meetings too; they can cancel appointments or make dinners and lunches. I assure you they can, even if it is once in a while so YOU can take! Partners can hold the fort for a while, they can give as much as they have been taking for a bit; they can sleep a little less some nights, and stretch their days a little more, just once in a while, so YOU can take!
Mothers need to rewire themselves and learn all over again, how to take. How to put themselves first, how to equally share the load with their partners, and balance the whole dance of give and take. Let’s face it – even if we had the faintest hope that one day women can have it all, can balance everything, and be everywhere, COVID-19 shamelessly eradicated any trace of that hope.
Learning how to take, doesn’t make you any less of a mom, if anything it helps you see yourself as an equal and tend to your needs just like you do for others. It gives you the opportunity to be whole and worthy of your own attention.
So, for once, give less, and take more!
