Sending your child out by themselves can be a scary time for parents. Woman This Month’s Parenting Columnist, Ouiam El Hassani, shares her thoughts on when it is ideal to allow kids to go out by themselves.
We love our kids and just want them to be safe. So, naturally, it can be difficult to decide what age is appropriate for our kids to be allowed to go out by themselves.
It’s important for us to understand that allowing our children go out alone can help prepare them for adulthood. Someday our kids will turn 18 and will head to college or look for a job all too soon. So, the best way to ensure they’re prepared and confident to step out into the world is to allow them to be somewhat independent as teens.
There are a couple of very important questions you need to ask yourself, as you prepare them to go out on their own:
What should you consider before allowing them to go out on their own?
First, you should consider the maturity level of your child. You know how far along they are in overall maturity and whether this is something they can handle. If not, it may be something you need to introduce later on. However, if you think your child might be ready to take this step, then move forward with setting rules.
Another important factor to consider before allowing your child to go out alone is the overall safety of where they’ll be going. Make sure you know who they’ll be spending time with, including friends and parents. But sometimes, that isn’t enough to consider.
If you’re unsure how your child will handle this new independence, it may be best to ease them into it. There’s nothing wrong with doing this process slowly and ensuring that your child is ready before fully committing. Let this be a time that they prove to you they can handle the added responsibility of going out alone while maintaining contact and respecting curfew.
What rules should I set for my child?
The best way to ensure your child’s safety and your own peace of mind is to set some firm rules for them. Doing this can ensure that they’re safe, where they’re supposed to be, and, most importantly, come home at the end of the day.
Here’s what you need to consider:
Phone
Now is a great time to consider getting your child a phone of their own if they don’t already have one. They can use it only when they’re out of the house alone to keep in touch with you. What you have them do with it at other times is up to you.
Curfew
Another good rule to set is to plan for a curfew. You should set a time that makes sense for your child and their schedule. Curfews don’t have to be concrete times that your child must be home. Feel free to give them a window of time to show up before you start getting worried. You can also consider setting a time to leave rather than a time to be home. Then, wherever your child is, they won’t feel the need to rush home. They just need to be on their way by a certain time.
Who They See
One important rule that you should put in place is who your child should see when they start going out alone, just in case you can’t reach them. Something as simple as their phone dying can cause a lot of unneeded stress.
Contact
Next, you’ll want to clarify how often you expect to hear from your child when they’re out by themselves. This is a rule that shouldn’t be left with any questions because it’s important that you hear from them regularly to ensure they’re safe.
Keep Your Word
This goes for both you and your child. Once you start allowing them to go out by themselves, you both need to be held accountable for keeping your word. Yes, your child needs to be honest with you about whatever they’re doing to be safe, but it’s also important for you to be honest about your expectations of them.
Transportation Options
You should set clear boundaries with your child about how they can get to places. Be sure to let them know what methods of transportation are off-limits. For example, be clear on whether or not public transportation or riding in cars with older friends is allowed. Or you can ask your child to inform you before they get in the car with someone then again once they’re safely at their destination.
Overall, your child should be allowed to go out alone at around 13 years old or so — as per the experts. Keep in mind this isn’t going to work for every child. So, you may need to adjust the age based on your child’s maturity
Happy parenting!
