Ouiam El Hassani shares five constructive steps to help teach your child to politely join the conversation.
How many times have you been trying to have a conversation on the phone with a friend, when all you could hear was a cute voice saying “GREEN, MAMA! GREEN!!” having been excited to figure out the colour green? You probably really wanted to finish that conversation with that friend though.
Although interrupting can be perfectly normal behaviour, it is possible to help children develop patience, and polite ways to join a conversation. Children interrupt because they are either too young and impulsive, or they don’t have any tools for respectfully interrupting. Another key reason for interrupting is that some children don’t have skills or a set plan for how to wait.
Toddlers often interrupt because they are still learning to regulate their impulses. When a toddler has a great thought, they want to share it, and they want to share it NOW!
Here are five steps to help teach your child to stop interrupting:
1. Model respectful communication and attentive listening
It’s a great idea to introduce turn taking and respectful communication early on. Model what you wish to see and the language you wish to hear.
• Let a baby know that you will be picking them up instead of swooping in and surprising them.
• Explain to a toddler that play time is almost over instead of insisting they finish when you say so.
2. Try a special code or hand signal
Extending a hand for holding, a special nod or some other little signal can be really helpful, especially if it is practiced or talked about ahead of time.
3. Be mindful of when you must interrupt your child
It’s helpful to use the same respectful language we would use when interrupting an adult when doing the same to a child. For example: “Looks like you are having a lot of fun, I need to interrupt you and help you clean up.”
4. Respectfully ask your child to wait
Providing opportunity for children to learn to wait is important, but it needs to happen at a time when the child can actually succeed.
Explain to your child that you will be busy, that you will pay attention to them when you are done, and be specific if you can: “I will talk on the phone for a few minutes and then we can read that book.”
5. Give it time and adjust expectations
The process of learning not to interrupt or to do so politely takes practice. Sometimes all you have to do is let them know you’re not ready to listen by saying “I need a few more minutes please,” or “I will listen to you in a moment.”
Other times, it’s helpful to remember that growing children make mistakes and get excited. They are not interrupting to be rude or because they don’t care about you and your needs.
Interruptions can seem disrespectful but beware of using consequences or commands such as “Shhhhhh!” or “Zip it!” to manage this kind of unhelpful behaviour. While you may get a child’s attention and get them to stop talking, or bothering you, this does not create the opportunity to teach. Children will learn much more about taking turns, waiting, listening attentively and respecting others if you choose to model how you expect it to be done.
