When Two Become One…Or Not

Chanelmama blogger Ouiam Charkani El Hassani gives us her take on marital unity.

Does Your Husband Complete You? If your answer was yes, please think again!
Relax… I am not calling for a disobedience movement against husbands here, I’m simply stating facts. A husband should complement you, but should never complete you.

It’s pretty amazing that two people choose just one person to spend all of their life with. I mean it’s not crazy to me on my own personal level, but the whole broader concept is slightly mad. Right?

If you Google the word ‘Marriage’ this is what you’ll get: “The legal or formally recognised union of two people as partners in a personal relationship”. Yes, it clearly states: TWO people, and those two people can never be one, simply because it is impossible. They are two different beings, with different understandings and different opinions, yet they each are WHOLE, they aren’t missing some invisible parts that only the other person in the relationship can complete.

People are changing and evolving around the clock, yet, at any given time, each one of us is a perfection and a work of art. No matter how self-loathing we get at each phase of our life, and no matter how insecure life can make us, each one of us is WHOLE, each one is the product of years and years of experiences, of failures and success, of thoughts and insights. Each of us is so rich in some way or another. Aren’t we all designed differently? Yet these differences are what make us stand out in the crowd. In no way or form are we incomplete, living this life waiting for ONE person to give us those missing parts that we have been craving all our lives.

Marriage is not a set of rules that works the same for everyone. Our needs are ever changing to keep up with the person we are in the moment. Yes, in each marriage, we do become so in tune with one another that we just know what the other person needs. We try to give it to them and maybe, in a way, we don’t even know we are doing it. However, we can only give the other person the extra features, the supplementary, the extra accessories. We add things that will improve or emphasise their qualities, to enhance their existing selves. We add things to allow the both of us to be in harmony. Yet, we will add no real value to their core or base.

In a marriage, it is vital for each person to keep their own identity, not try to mold and reshape themselves in a way that fits better with ‘The Other Half’. As much as it is important to do things together and for each other, in every marriage, it is also important to do things separately and in ways that only define you and who you are. It is essential to know that the union you both make, is made out of two very complete human beings, who have decided to do this hand in hand, and for each one of you to bring their own essence to this relationship, without overshadowing the other.

I blame fairytales and romantic movies for making us believe we should wait for the ONE person, who will complete us, who will finally put our lives back in order. Yet surprisingly enough, we never see life after the famous line “They lived happily ever after”, in those fairy-tales. We never check back on these people 10 or 20 years later to see how the submersion has worked out for them. If you think about it, what can you ever add to a relationship if you yourself are insufficient and deficient? How can you be a good wife and mother if you need another human being to make you whole?

I am no expert in relationships, but if you ask me the secret to a happy marriage, I would say: “Your husband should complement you, but should never complete you!”

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