We all agree that parenting is a shared responsibility, between parents. We also know that mothers and fathers…let’s just say do things differently.
Fatherhood gives a different depiction of what raising children looks like. I am sure we all have seen memes and pictures of kids who have been spending some solo time with their dads, and we all have gasped and rolled eyes, at the sight of crazy eyebrows drawn on kids’ faces or kids being dressed in crazy outfits. Dads are capable of all sorts of unthinkable mischief, when mum is not around.
The first time I left my then two-month-old baby boy with his dad, I came back after two hours to see the little one dressed up in his dad’s uniform (hubby is a pilot), and seated on top of my huge pile of laundry! After I giggled, and took pictures, I sat down that night and thought ‘Why have I never thought of doing that myself, you know just for fun?’ The answer was easy, because when baby is with me, I am busy feeding him, changing him and putting him to sleep. I’m busy cuddling with him, reading him stories, chatting with him, even though it is more of a one-way conversation. I’m busy making sure he hits all the milestones on time, teaching him things and doing all the fancy stuff mums usually do with their babies.
It’s not that dads do things wrong; they just do things differently. They have different priorities and different ways of entertaining their kids. Women, on the other hand, are often high-maintenance when it comes to parenting. We only want la crème de la crème for our kids. We are more particular, more ideological, more highly strung.
Mostly, babies spend more time with their mums than their dads, so, obviously, mothers know every cry, every move and every sound a baby makes and why, which makes them “the expert”. They also develop a system of doing things, because we naturally think about each step before making it. While dads are the opposite. Dad might wash his daughter’s hair last, instead of first like mama does; he might skip lunch and replace it with snacks; he might play a bit too rough, for our liking, with baby; he might take them out in their pajamas and give them ice-cream for breakfast.
Just like relationships, parenting has the men from Mars and the women from Venus, leaving them most of the time on opposite sides of the day-to-day parenting tasks. Parents are more like teammates with no captain. Two completely different people sharing a huge responsibility – raising a child. They both do what they see fit, they both love the child, they both always have the best intentions, no matter what.
What’s fascinating, is that children can easily get used to how differently their parents do things. Children are very smart and they have the ability to familiarise themselves with the fact that dad and mum do things differently. Sometimes that can even help babies feel calmer and more peaceful instead of confused, when mama is not around yet someone else is doing exactly what she does. Instead they will know that Daddy is in charge now and that is fine.
If the Dad is criticised over every single move he makes, while doing his best, taking care of his child, he will end up dropping the ball, and giving up, which leaves everyone at a loss. Mum loses an extra pair of hands and father and child lose that very special connection they get when they spend time together alone. So, yes dads are not mamas, and they will never be, but that’s absolutely OK!
Chanelmama
