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Teens Don’t Understand

How many times do you hear your child say, “Mom you just don’t get it!” Well actually you do and they don’t “get it”. Here’s why there’s a bridge between understanding each other. 

Powerful technologies, such as neuroimaging and advanced brainwave scanners, have shown that adolescent brains undergo considerable structural change particularly in the prefrontal cortex during the teenage years.
The prefrontal cortex is involved in self-awareness and the ability to understand other peoples’ perspective, which is why many young teenagers explore their own self-image and seem insensitive to others’ feelings
and concerns.

We also know that adolescents are particularly susceptible to influence by their peer groups. This is why you see predominance of social sub-cultures, such as goths, emos, punks and any other trendy things we are out of touch with! This brain change also affects the decision making ability.

Making a choice
Trials have shown that adolescents are more prone to making riskier decisions when in a peer group, which probably accounts for the fact that most adolescents commit crimes with peers. Research has also started to show that although the brain is 95 per cent its adult size at age six, the grey matter (or thinking part of the brain) continues to develop throughout childhood.

In the frontal part of the brain, this development peaks around 11 in girls and 12 in boys, which is roughly about the age of puberty. The grey matter then starts to thin as excess connections are eliminated or pruned. Much research is now focussed around the postulation of the “use it or lose it” principle, namely a premise that those connections that are used will survive and flourish and those that aren’t will wither and die.

So around the critical time of puberty, the young teenager not only has hormones gushing through their system, but the brain functions are also being enhanced or reduced. All the life choices (sports, art, music or academia) are there, but start getting whittled away. We are left with the choices that uniquely define us as individuals. The ability to control risky behaviour is still under construction and the nucleus accumbens that seeks pleasure and reward is fairly well developed.

Risky decisions
September-2014__Parenting1_01Dr Jay Giedd of the National Institute of Mental Health in the USA, noted, “This radical behaviour is also due to that the brain regions which put the brakes on risky behaviour are still under construction. During the time of puberty, testosterone-like hormones that are released by adrenal glands will begin to circulate and cause receptors everywhere in the brain. This process then causes an exerting and direct influence of serotonin and other neurochemicals that regulate mood and excitability to hit the teen-brain like a train. These emotions and waves of thrill seeking are what put teenagers at risk.”

Studies have shown that teenagers use the back of the brain more than the frontal lobes. When they use the frontal lobe, they overdo it. This is why most adults can arrive at a decision more quickly than many teenagers.

What you can do
This work is still very much at research stage and new findings and developments are still being drawn out, but my underlying recommendation to you is to use this knowledge to try and understand your wayward teenager and how mixed up they feel.

It is a cruel irony that when a young mind is at its most vulnerable, it is also most likely to experiment with drugs. An explanation of the brain functions at this stage, if properly articulated, makes a compelling argument to a young teenager that any experimentation with drugs at this stage will have an ongoing effect for the rest of their lives.

Allow them to make mistakes, give them a safe environment where it is okay to make mistakes and to talk about it. Work with them to find the lessons that can be learned and help them to see alternative strategies and how these may be preferable.

Ask your teenagers lots of questions that challenge their thinking and encourage them to try other sports and the arts. It is also useful to support them with items they are still developing, such as organising their time, creating structure, helping them through tough decisions, creating strategies for problem solving and doing what a parent does best — supplying copious amounts of patience and love. Remember to try and work on equal power relations instead of imposing your views on them. The bottom line? Let them be teenagers!

Interesting facts
Male brains are usually 10 per cent larger than female brains, but this does not confer any advantage as the difference is due to different parts being larger or smaller. Interestingly, females generally have a
larger basal ganglia, which relates to executive functioning and the general trend observed is for girls’ brains to mature earlier than boys’ brains.

Mike Jackson is a product of the English public school system followed by the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst. He has been involved in business transformation for the past 30 years and is a seasoned project manager having successfully delivered a number of large enterprise wide implementations/changes across the globe.Mike has been working in the Middle East for the past eight years and has recently developed a coaching aspect to his consultancy as an organisational executive coach, implementing corporate transformation programmes with embedded coaching to support the transition.

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